I’ve watched my friends fall victim to honeyed words or misleading non-verbal cues, be it intentional or unintentional, one too many times. More often than not, the guys involved in the situation claim that their actions were pure and certainly not lined with underlying motives. However, that reason does not make it okay for them to continue behaving that way.
“But even unintended actions can speak louder than words.
We were just friends. We both knew it. In fact, I knew who he liked (and it wasn’t me!) But he was so emotionally available that it was impossible to interact without my mind playing tricks on me. When he greeted me with a hug and wanted to know about my day, and my hopes and dreams; when he sent me emails to check up on me when he was out of town, it was hard to remember that he wasn’t available. Women connect emotionally, and even though I knew he didn’t want me, I felt wanted. And it made me want.”
It really frustrates and irks me when such things take place, when they could very well be avoided in the first place. If only guys knew how to carry themselves responsibly.This does not just apply to helping to prevent misunderstandings from happening but also for guys who are already spoken for to stay blameless.
“Many men don’t realize how vulnerable women’s hearts can be”
Guys have to understand that while guys are visual creatures, we girls, are wired in such a way that even the littlest of things can be of great significance to us. A kind word, a timely encouragement, a smile can mean a lot to us.That is the way we are, the way we have been created – Details mean a great deal to us.
“Beyond any particular relational cue is the number and frequency of the cues you send to a specific woman and their proportionto the cues she sees you sending others. The existence of patterns and/or the absence of context make it far more likely that she will see your behavior as pursuit.”
& because details are significant to us, we tend to notice the little things. It is really each guy’s responsibility in ensuring that ladies do not have the slightest opportunity in picking up such “signals”.
“Be the last man in the world who would intentionally give any woman the idea of his feeling for her more than he really does.“
This does not just require being more sensitive to details, but a conscious effort in achieving it as well.
Women, as aforementioned, are creatures that long for emotional stability and intimacy. That is simply because that is how we connect best with people. Being a readily available guy when it comes to anything that has to do with the emotional aspect, immediately places you in a spot where women would be drawn to you like moths to a bright lamp. That is because you offer (be it knowingly or unknowingly) what women crave for the most, emotional stability and intimacy.
“Whether or not you think you’re handsome, women may covet emotional intimacy with you because you’re a nice guy. So beware, also, of kindness taken to an extreme.”
The two examples below best explain what I’ve mentioned above:
A man says:
Because of the courtesy I feel I must uphold, I have listened politely to females as they have tried to share things with me, get to know me or even pursue for a deeper relationship. I try not to encourage them to share deep personal aspects of their lives. However, sometimes they don’t get signals like short and evasive responses. Sometimes you must be blunt to the verge of rudeness and say you don’t want to know them more or to comment on deeply personal issues. In extreme cases you sometimes need to cut off contact.
Two women say:
[When it comes to purity] a guy is wholly responsible for what he chooses to allow himself to dwell on, but it is 110 percent easier when the girl isn’t flaunting herself. It’s exactly the same on the other side. It’s easier when a guy doesn’t offer us that emotional connection that we’re wired for.
There is a thin line dividing friendliness and sending the wrong signals out. This does not just apply to all the guys out there but the female gender as well. It really doesn’t take a lot to make that conscious effort in staying responsible for our words and actions.
Let’s just call it a social responsibility that we should all uphold.