Louder Than Words

I’ve watched my friends fall victim to honeyed words or misleading non-verbal cues, be it intentional or unintentional, one too many times. More often than not, the guys involved in the situation claim that their actions were pure and certainly not lined with underlying motives. However, that reason does not make it okay for them to continue behaving that way.

“But even unintended actions can speak louder than words.

We were just friends. We both knew it. In fact, I knew who he liked (and it wasn’t me!) But he was so emotionally available that it was impossible to interact without my mind playing tricks on me. When he greeted me with a hug and wanted to know about my day, and my hopes and dreams; when he sent me emails to check up on me when he was out of town, it was hard to remember that he wasn’t available. Women connect emotionally, and even though I knew he didn’t want me, I felt wanted. And it made me want.”

It really frustrates and irks me when such things take place, when they could very well be avoided in the first place. If only guys knew how to carry themselves responsibly.This does not just apply to helping to prevent misunderstandings from happening but also for guys who are already spoken for to stay blameless.

“Many men don’t realize how vulnerable women’s hearts can be”

Guys have to understand that while guys are visual creatures, we girls, are wired in such a way that even the littlest of things can be of great significance to us. A kind word, a timely encouragement, a smile can mean a lot to us.That is the way we are, the way we have been created – Details mean a great deal to us.

“Beyond any particular relational cue is the number and frequency of the cues you send to a specific woman and their proportionto the cues she sees you sending others. The existence of patterns and/or the absence of context make it far more likely that she will see your behavior as pursuit.”

& because details are significant to us, we tend to notice the little things. It is really each guy’s responsibility in ensuring that ladies do not have the slightest opportunity in picking up such “signals”.

Be the last man in the world who would intentionally give any woman the idea of his feeling for her more than he really does.

This does not just require being more sensitive to details, but a conscious effort in achieving it as well.

Women, as aforementioned, are creatures that long for emotional stability and intimacy. That is simply because that is how we connect best with people. Being a readily available guy when it comes to anything that has to do with the emotional aspect, immediately places you in a spot where women would be drawn to you like moths to a bright lamp. That is because you offer (be it knowingly or unknowingly) what women crave for the most, emotional stability and intimacy.

“Whether or not you think you’re handsome, women may covet emotional intimacy with you because you’re a nice guy. So beware, also, of kindness taken to an extreme.”

The two examples below best explain what I’ve mentioned above:

A man says:

Because of the courtesy I feel I must uphold, I have listened politely to females as they have tried to share things with me, get to know me or even pursue for a deeper relationship. I try not to encourage them to share deep personal aspects of their lives. However, sometimes they don’t get signals like short and evasive responses. Sometimes you must be blunt to the verge of rudeness and say you don’t want to know them more or to comment on deeply personal issues. In extreme cases you sometimes need to cut off contact.

Two women say:

[When it comes to purity] a guy is wholly responsible for what he chooses to allow himself to dwell on, but it is 110 percent easier when the girl isn’t flaunting herself. It’s exactly the same on the other side. It’s easier when a guy doesn’t offer us that emotional connection that we’re wired for.

There is a thin line dividing friendliness and sending the wrong signals out. This does not just apply to all the guys out there but the female gender as well. It really doesn’t take a lot to make that conscious effort in staying responsible for our words and actions.

Let’s just call it a social responsibility that we should all uphold.

Source: http://www.boundless.org/m/article.cfm?url=%2F2005%2Farticles%2Fa0002558.cfm

 

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If I had

“Oh and if I had a brain, Oh and if I had a brain. I’d be cold as a stone and rich as the fool that turned, all those good hearts away”

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This looks delicious!!

SweetRevelations

May seems to be flying by and I can’t believe I missed my one year blog anniversary!   One year ago on Mother’s Day I started this crazy adventure and somehow wrangled my husband into doing the pictures for me.

I had no idea what blogging would entail.   No really, I had NO idea what I was doing.  Photography?  Food styling? I’m just a girl who loves to bake yummy things and share them with others.  And I still have a lot to learn.

The world is such a small place for bloggers and foodies alike.  I can’t believe the mail I’ve received from people who live in some pretty amazing places.  I love to hear from you!  I love to receive all of your questions and comments.   There are actually more people than just me who think frosting should be added as the 5th food group.

Who knew!

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The Greatest Achievement

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson 

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image

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What truly matters

My brain is so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyelids from staying open, but I simply have to get this down.

And the irony of it all, I’m writing about my distaste for social media.

I do not have anything against social media, but I truly abhor the way it robs people of expressing their emotions in the old-fashioned way;

In other words, the normal way.

Whatever happened to running excitedly to the one who means most to you;

To the bubbling excitement of being able to share this joy or

the strongest yearning to share one’s woes?

The witnessing of the ear-to-ear grins,

Voice trimmed with sadness,

The spark of excitement in one’s eyes,

Shoulders that are laden with burden,

The uncontainable joy that causes one’s face to glow

Tears glistening in one’s eyes.

The things that one can only truly witness and experience through a face-to-face or over the phone; things that cannot be replaced by the emoticons that have been popularized in social media.

I’m not being skeptical here, I am fully aware of the many good things that social media has brought about. The convenience in getting things done or transmitting news in a split second,  providing a platform for people to discuss their views and takes on certain topics and helping us to stay connected.

But does it really do that? Helping us stay connected?

Truth is , it does. But we are not helping ourselves.

This over-reliance on social media has turned somehow turned us into the emotionally handicapped. There is an increasing trend of people being unable to express how they truly feel when thrown into a situation that requires words from the heart, in a real situation. We began to believe that

“we don’t need anything other than the validation of people we don’t really care about, disposable income, and a nice job. And for a second we actually believe all of it. Then we think about the times in which we were happiest and they usually involve someone else.”

And the saddest thing of them all, believing that all those listed above are all we really need. Be it consciously or subconsciously, I believe that every single person out there who uses the social media, have thought that way at some point of time in life.

Perhaps it is because it is easier to accept that this is life. It’s easy to slink away from the vulnerable moments and throw ourselves into something inauthentic. That way, you distant yourself from the real issue itself, from the emotions that come together with it.

Share yourself with everyone and you’ll find yourself feeling connected to no one.

I don’t want to be a person who gets swallowed up in this “reality” and forgets the other more important one. The one that truly matters. I don’t want to become “open” in one way and closed off in the other. & I guess this is a reminder I want to keep by me, always.

There is no wrong in the use of social media to broadcast one’s emotions or thoughts, neither is there any wrong in wanting validation or even in wanting to know that you are not the only one feeling that way. Absolutely none at all. But I guess we have to learn how to strike a balance in meeting our needs and remembering what is truly important.

Because if we forget that, we might just be that man living on a lone island with gadgets surrounding him:

Connected with everyone, but connected with no one. 

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In His time

Today, I learnt that if we would only trust and wait;

Our Abba Father will definitely deliver everything in His time.

Faith even in the size of a mustard seed will be able to move mountains,

& do  what the world can never accomplish;

Bring about coincidences that you thought would never happen.

Most importantly, know that He will never put you through anything you can’t handle.

If He does allow something to happen, He will never let you face the battle alone.

He will walk you through your deepest valleys and darkest nights.

Have faith.

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